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Some light hearted Jokes to make you smile

 
     
  Jokes from St Mary Magdalenes  
     
 

Speeding Grannies
A police patrol officer spied a car puttering along at 22MPH. He turned ao his lights and pulled the dtiver over. As he approached the car he noticed that five old ladies were inside and they looked wide-eye and terribly pale The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit so what seems to be the problem?"

"Madam," replied the officer, "you weren't speding but driving so slowly can be just as dangerous." "I beg to differ, sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour." the old woman said THe poiice officer chuckled and explained that "22" was not the speed limit but the route number.. A bit embarrasssed the woman grinned and thanked the officer for the explanation.

"Before I let you go Madam I have to ask.- Is everyone in this car OK? These ladies seem awfully shaken" "Oh they'll be alright in a minute," was the reply "We just got of Route 119".

 
 

Birthday presents
An elderly woma had three weaalthy sons. For her birthday the first son bougght her a large luxurious house. The second bought her a Mercedes car with all the extras while the third son bought her a talking partridge which could recite backwards all the books of the Bible.

After her birthday their mother thanked them for their presents. To the first she "Thank you but the house is too big. I only need a small one which I can manage easily" ,To the second she said "Thank for the lovely car but is is too big and fast. I only need a small one which I can hnadle and park without difficulty To the third she said,"Thankyou, son. You really know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious"

 
 

Jonah and the whale
A Sunday School Teacher was telling her class the story of Jonah. She explained that parables had not to be taken as facts. They were there to teach us something but were not necessarily what actually happened. One small boy disagreed with her and insisted that Johan had indeed spent three days in the belly of the whale. Eventually he was exasperated and said to the teacher: "When I go to Heaven I am going to ask Jonah" The teacher replied "but what if Jonah is not in heaven?" "Then", the boy replied , "you can ask him".

 
 

Smile!
A kindly parish priest, when out walking, saw a sweet little girl trying to press a door bell which was just out of her reach "Shall I press it for you?" asked the priest "Yes" was the reply "and then run like mad."

 
 

The Sea of Galilee
While visiting Palestine a tourist and his guide arrived at the shore of the Sea of Galilee "It costs £20 to cross the sea in a canoe" said the guide "That is very expensive" the tourist replied. "But Jesus walked on these waters" the guide informed him " It´s no wonder with these prices"

 
 

Morning tea
One morning a husband and his wife were arguing about who should be responsible for brewing the morning tea. The husband argued that as his wife was responsible for the running of the household she should make the tea His wife aruged that he should brew as he was always first up and so would not have to wait for his cup of tea "And besides" she went on "it says so in the Bible" "I find that very hard to believe.........Show me" His wife fetched the family Bible - opened it and passed it to him Sure enough at the top of several pages , in large letters there it was ---- HEBREWS.

 
 

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Parish Priest
Father Jock Dalrymple
0131 669 5447
stjohnsandstmarymagdalenes@gmail.com

   
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